Recovery Stories

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Panzila has been clean a total of 17 months. She is blessed to have her life on track after receiving help at the Lovelady Center.

My name is Panzila,I was born in Sylacauga Alabama 7lbs 2oz and 21in. long. I lived at AvondaleAvenue. Then my mom and I moved. When we moved my mom got pregnant with my sister and brother.I think back to what I can remember and I try to just use it in life as a lesson.Iremember living with my grandmother up to the age 6 . I only meet my dad one time. I was took to church my whole life as a child as began to become a teenager Idrifted away I began to get introduce to marijuana and I started getting high.When Iseen that it made me feel better it made everything right and funny I began to start working and making money to buy it  on a regular bases. My main person I got it from ended up going to prison Iended up in hillcrest.

Well when I got out of hillcrest things was not no better I had an abusing stepfather and mother who didn't care anymore what he done to us he had done sunk his claws into her so deep we didn't have a fighting chance so I went found someone else who smoked and got it from him.I tried Prozac and Adavant which didn't make the pain go away or my stepfather disappear so I could have my mom back the won who loved me and listened to me when I cried or I had a hard day at school. My mom took me to a therapist and because I was so young so it wasn't so private.

Well skipping on to years ahead I started smoking meth I was 400lb 16 year girl who just wanted to disappear and run away from being called Godzilla at school to being cussing out at home for not washing dishes or not giving my check I worked for to my mother.WellI started losing weight I was in the 12th grade I just was looking up to the world’s idea of the way I should look. Well after high school I stared getting worse on the meth and weed and pills.

Well my stepfather decided he wanted more than my mommy, he molested me and my sister for years. Wellmore pain added to what I was going through as is so I decided to marry David at 18 years old. Well at 19 I had a beautiful baby boy named Emmanuel 7lbs2oz 19in long.Life was wonderful I had someone to make me fell complete now this whole time I hadn't been to church or even talked about GOD because I still haven't tried to find him again. Things were going great nice home wonderful husband and a beautiful baby boy andI had been cleans 11 months. Well one night we decided to try X then I thought smoking bluntwouldn’t hurt I could handle that well we conceived baby boy number 2 Seth Isiah Kneece. Well so I decided to do not want to get high no more.  So he goes and finds someone who does she was suppose to be my best friend we was raised together from baby’s up well he get her pregnant too,so here Emmanuel is 8months old and I’m 4 months pregnant he is hooked on crack cocaine and cheating on me so I told him I was leaving him he beats me up and locks me in the closet and told me till death do us part and Emmanuel screamed and hollered for me it was torture I couldn't get to my baby well I leave him. Move in the house with my mom again because I had nowhere else to go. SoI have Seth he is about 7 or 8 months old I started smoking weed again that’s when I meet Tabithiah’s daddy Adam. He really wasn't bad just was a cheat and wouldn't, work well that’s what I was thinking anyway.

Well we moved out into his sister’s house it wasn't fun at all I gave my check to her and supported Adam Emmanuel, Seth and myself so one day I told him he needed to get a job so he did for alittle while working out of town. Well he came back one night and well u know because I’m now pregnant with Tabithiah 6lbs 11oz 17in long beautiful baby girl. So he tells his mom and sister and they are jealous so they really turned up the heat. So 2 babies me and Adam moved back into the house with my mama well my mom got tired of him not wanting to work and me supporting him so she told me if he didn't get ajob in the next 2weeks he had to go. Well to weeks went by he finally got a job working with my brother who had hi s own business so he started working with him but he gave his mama and his soon to be wife all the money. my mom had a cow so she told him he had to go he wasn't doing me know good so here I am 5 months pregnant with Tabithiah he get married 3 days of or break up.Well so now I really stuck at my mom’s she is now getting all my money and I have to deal with my mom and stepfather fussing all the time my poor children nerves r shot so I feel alone and helpless so I go smoke a blunt pregnant with Tabithiah I was about 7 months so I’m smoking weed again.

Well I have Tabithiah and was ok I guess but Idecided to go and get with Jeff Rider a man who works with my brother he was 53 years old and he took Xanax’s  and Lortab’s I thought well what is going to hurt so I get hooked on them. Well I move out to live with him with 3 kids things where going to smooth he wakes up one day and decided to stick my head in the toilet so I leave and move back into the house with guess who mama well now my stepfather is gone he has died. Well I decided to start pretending because me and my mom where struggling I made good money but still no God well time went on we moved to Jones trailer park I was smoking weed and just staying home playing with the kids well can't stay single for long here comes David back. He also smoked weed he was like a hermit so I decided to invite him over to come stay the night with us he decides he didn't want to leave so he moves in with us. We were together for a little while until IdecidedI wanted to smoke meth again. He didn't know it but he figured it out when I was up all night and had just smoked 3 or 4 blunts with him and I still was going.

So we broke up so me and the kids go stay at my sister’s house for about 2 months. Moved back in with my mom I started well the neighbors next door call the DHR because my mom and them had got into a cuss fight. So they come out and drug test me and I had weed in my system so they put me on a safety plan I couldn't no longer be alone with my children so now I’m on a safety plan and still getting high well I get sick I find out I have cancer well I go through the surgery they get it all but my kids r at my sister’s house for about 3 months. I meet this guy who is 19 yrs old he told me is was 21 which any better because I’m 25 years old. WellI moved out and got my kids back home with me but still on a safety plan but I don't have to be supervised so I am clean and 1 day before they close my case I get high on meth. My mom finds out and calls DHR herself and tells them to come drug test me. Well they did I failed for weed and meth because Adavant was prescribed to me so we go down to the daycare and I say goodbye to my babies. That was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. Well,I run home grab me and Adam some clothes and we go to the dope women’s house where I smoked so much I numb.

Skipping on well he beat on me,cheated and cussed me so I finally moved out of my home to get away from him. Well he stocks me until I take in a baby. Well I had been to jail and had got out well I got out day before I went to court for them to tell me if they was going to terminate my parental rightsso I decided to come to the love lady I stayed there I worked I found God finally and now I lived in the grade apartment with my 3 beautiful babies who are current attending Restoration Academy I go to court this month the 19 and will have my babies back I have been clean a total of 17 months today I’m just so bless to have my life on track an still working on it God led me to the Lovelady to save me if I hadn't went I would not even be sitting here writing u this testimony today I just want to thank GOD and the Lovelady center for saving me and my kids life’s . 

Panzila received help at Lovelady Center. To learn more about this program, please visit their page on our resource directory.


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