A prescription painkiller addiction began around the age of 24 and eventually led to crystal meth addiction and a drug trafficking charge. After time in prison and different programs, Jeanne finally received help and recovery.
I was raised in a good home by good parents. I was sent to Christian schools and went to church. I began rebelling as a teenager and pushed and pushed until finally I was allowed to marry my childhood boyfriend at age 16, Coy. We had children, had a great relationship, but something was missing. I had believed in God at a young age, even remember singing “Jesus Loves Me” with my grandmother in Eastwood Mall to people passing by. But I didn't have a relationship with God. I believe now that this was the void I began trying to fill around age 24. I thought Lortab made me a better wife, mother, you name it. I was happier with Lortab.
My husband Coy wanted me to get help. We thumbed through the phone book – it was phone books back then – and found a Methadone Clinic. Things got very bad very quickly. By the time I got up to 100 mgs a day, Coy urged me to come off Methadone. I broke with reality withdrawing, and eventually did not even know I was withdrawing. I believed I had died, my body and soul had not separated correctly, and so I spent a week trying to kill myself, thinking this is what I had to do to die correctly. Around that time, The Truman Show with Jim Carrey was premiering in theaters. When I saw the preview on television,I believed “this must be what is happening to me.” The movie depicts a man who had been filmed on an island his entire life, unbeknownst to him. His whole life was fake. Everything was very surreal and delusional to me then. I carried this strange thought with me for a long time.
Someone told me that crystal meth and liquid g would alleviate methadone withdrawals. They were right, unfortunately. By this time, Coy had started using, I guess to bear the hell we were going through. Fast forward a few years – we were charged with drug trafficking. We had decided to make a business of what we did in order to party all the time. The kids suffered, we all did. When they served the warrants, I was so delusional from so many drugs I didn't even believe the cops were real. I believed they were part of a Mexican gang we had ripped off in California, coming to square things and get payback. I called 911 on the vice cops.
While sitting in Jefferson County Jail on Max, segregated because I was out of my flipping mind and had kept trying to walk out the slider and go home, a thought straight from the pit of hell came to me. If nothing has been real my whole life, which I firmly believed in my paranoid, schizophrenic-like state of mind, “then that Bible they have shown you is not true.” This marked a terrible decision in my psyche – there was no God. I began finding reasons that there was no God. After sitting 6 months and Coy pleading with courts to please do something different with my case if he pleaded guilty to trafficking, I pled quilty, was given a reverse split, was released, and sent to the Hannah Home residency program in Cropwell, out of Jefferson County. I began reading anything I could to prove there was not a God. I finished the program, and when Coy got of prison, it wasn't long before we were back in the game.
After many years of arrests and charges and drugs and death and meanness and slipping into a sea of hate, one day I was looking at spending the rest of my life without my husband when we were busted for the last time – and he was offered Life Without – the only deal the courts would make with him. I think I slid further down into the abyss than I ever had before, unbelievably, when I got the call from him that he might never get out. He had never allowed me to shoot drugs before. I did it up hard for a while. Then Coy, my family, my kids, begged me to get help.
I entered the Lovelady program February 28, 2011. I still believed we all evolved from something, that there was not a God. I came here mainly because my husband was begging me from prison to please get help and get out of the game. But things started happening that could not be coincidence. Someone was talking to me!! Someone I had known from childhood, Who I use to sing to. He still loved me even though I didn't believe in Him. I went to bed one night and prayed, “God, if all of this delusional crap has just been in my head – if it's just been insanity and You are really there, let me know.” The very next morning, Melinda MeGahee spoke about insanity and the Love of God. I was blown away. I asked so many questions to staff and Miss Brenda after that - “How can a man survive in the belly of a fish for three days?” “Why curse the snake in the garden if he was a created animal, and why wasn't Eve surprised at an animal talking to her anyway?” “How do we know it isn't all legend and myth?”
When I finally realized He is real, a part of me was so regretful, and a part of me was overjoyed at the fact that there REALLY IS a Creator. Because if there is a Creator, then there is purpose, no coincidences, no theories – the fact is, He creates for a reason. I was created for a reason. And the Center helped me find that reason.
Now, my husband is home, and that is a testimony in itself. Against all odds, God brought us completely about-face. After all the blasphemy and dealing for Satan (who I didn't believe existed either), God is faithful. He remembered my innocent, believing song that I sang to Him as a child, and He used The Lovelady Center to help me sing it to Him once more. And I will never forget it again.
Jeanne received help at Lovelady Center. To learn more about this program, please visit their page on our resource directory